i can adh-do it!
%%yellow%%do you ever do hobby-like things just to see if you can do them and then nearly completely abandon them months after learning everything you can about them?%% me to! i can play several (seven!) instruments, though i hardly keep practice. i can distill spirits, brew beer, make wine, make cheese, ferment pickles, bake bread, paint, write poetry, print letterpress, screenprint, sew, garden, and build motorcycles. do i actively do any of these things with any sense of routine? hardly. they have become activities to return to due to boredom, and not habits.
whether it is laziness, information fatigue, decision fatigue, or television paralysis %%i am not sure?%% the reason for avoiding the things i am good at is typically unclear to me at the time i am avoiding them. but usually, it is that i am obsessing over a new passion or returning to an old one. i lack the capacity to build healthy habitual routines in my active life.
%%purple%%i have no balance!%% which is sometimes fine and sometimes frustrating. but now into my forties, this lack of control is sometimes debilitating, as if i am going nowhere fast.
but then i remind myself, maybe adhd is the perfect anticaptialist condition?. maybe it is the perfect anarchist condition?
%%green%%i can adh-do it, i can adh-smash the state!%%