ritual, routine, reward, remorse, and rejoice
i am a complicated creature. i am always wishing for the simple life, and for a few times i have even created one for myself. but as quickly as i have established a good simple life i have abandoned it. i am a professional at self-sabotage, an artist really, but i am fighting against it.
building and establishing a good, simple life can be done by embracing ritual and routine. it is all the small things we do, that we hardly notice that are foundational to reaping the reward of a good, simple life. washing the dishes, hugging your partner, sweeping the floor, tending to the plants or garden, sharing warm moments with your colleagues, keeping a journal, reading, cooking, walking, whatever the routine, or whatever the ritual, the most important thing is consistency.
i make a ritual out of my routines. i listen to music while doing the dishes, i pay attention, i mean, really pay attention to the world as i walk through it, and i make a habit of embracing my own boredom when it comes. simple, magical, repeatable, tiny little gestures that can give real meaning to the little things are what help one on their way to the good and simple life.
ah, but once i have arrived ... remorse creeps in:
🧠 < psst. you don't really deserve this, do you? )
my thoughts rob me of the reward, i fall victim to myself. damnit! i explode and everyone around me gets the dissatisfaction of standing in the wake of the destructive demons creeping from every pore of my being.
this has been the constant in my life. a habit of self-destructive behaviour resulting from those silly thoughts of inadequacy. that ever-hanging question mark over my head, always questioning my worthiness. ooff, this is tough. ¡ya basta! enough!
i am not sure if i am, or ever will be free of this habit? but at the moment, i am enjoying, once again, the rewards of the good, simple life. yes, i am here again! in fact, i am rejoicing and revelling in it. life isn't easy, i don't have much for money, i don't have much for the western sense of success, but i have my partner, our pets, a roof over my head, and a whole bunch of good people and things around me.
the next step is to make this a habit: the moment i hear the call back to self-destruction, i must ignore it! i am worthy of love and all the things that come with the good and simple life. i am worthy of relaxation. i am worthy of my own time. i am worthy of sharing my time with others. all of the routines and rituals that got me here are good and beautiful. the addictive catharsis of self-destruction is not pure or beautiful. yes, it can feel amazing ... but in the end, it destroys not just yourself ... but everything and everyone around you.
getting to the good, simple life is a struggle. it is a ton of work. i have started over so many times before. i will not let it happen again, at least through my own fault. it is damn hard to break a habit, let alone make a new one ... but i would rather struggle a bit while living the good and simple life, than have to struggle in making a new one.
so take it as you will, this is just a bit of folk philosophy ... but ritual and routine do lead to reward, let's just rejoice in the fact we have made it this far ... no remorse, it is two steps forward and then two more, not one step forward and two steps back. enjoy and embrace each moment, make the little routines in your life even smaller rituals. find yourself a slice of the good, simple life and celebrate in the ways you know how.
i ain't a religious fellow, but i do believe ritual can cleanse you of that empty feeling you get when you just drift through life. yep, go get you some.