suddenly anxious causing clumsy moments
i haven't suffered from anxiety for much of my life. sure little bouts here and there, but nothing serious. i am a confident person, at times, perhaps, a little over confident. but lately i have noticed something. moments of extreme clumsiness. moments when i feel i am not in control of my body. breaking glasses, dropping things, knocking over things, and tripping.
in the past, my clumsiness was pretty much the result of my being in my mind. not being in the moment corporeally. just daydreaming. but lately, i am starting to sense tiny inklings of anxiety and i am not sure where it is coming from. sometimes it is the result of being interrupted when i am hyper-focused, pulling myself out of that focus is draining and causes a bit of anxiety. sometimes, it is just a minor feeling of discomfort in a social situation (which is new to me). when these two things happen, suddenly i become clumsy. but this is all new to me.
i am doing my best to practice some form of mindfulness; however, anxiety blended with adhd is a potent mix. the first bit of anxiety creeping in tends to spiral and inflate my adhd symptoms. things begin to blur and i am forced to retreat into myself, sometimes even moving my body somewhere else or into a different position which is when i bump or fall into things/people.
while i am spiraling, i am breaking things. it is strange to not feel in control of your body. the mind is in flight, the body begins to just express that panic. dammit. these moments are rare, but becoming more common. that noted, i am falling back on meditation, trying to control my phone addiction (which i know is a part of this new found anxiety pattern), and reminding myself to be present in my environment and not to retreat into daydreaming.
i don't like this sudden appearance of anxiety in my life, but i am strangely happy to have this small struggle. it means that i get to focus on making changes. it is time to make some changes! changes mean growth, growth means living, and i hope to be a better friend, partner, and person as a result of this.
my goal is to become less anxious and less clumsy. i am going to start a log book of clumsy moments so i can track them. it will also allow me to track my mental state during those moments. perhaps i will share some of it in the future, or at least share my progress. here is to overcoming this and keeping healthy.